When a child is very young, there may be occasions when a smart slap on the hand or the bottom is necessary for his or her own good. When a toddler reaches for a sharp knife, a hot stove, or a flickering candle flame, a parent must act quickly and decisively. Uttering a loud "No!", reinforced with a smack on a diaper-cushioned posterior will do no harm at all.
However, if the danger is not immediate or potentially harmful, there are other options available. For instance, if a child purposely knocks his bowl of cereal and milk on the floor because he's no longer hungry, speaking in a stern voice, and placing the little offender in his crib from a ten-minute time-out can be very effective. Also, it gives the parent time to cool off and clean up the mess.
As soon as a child is old enough to understand spoken language, the types of punishment should move away from the physical, and towards the intellectual. The parent or caregiver should explain in simple words why a certain action or behavior is wrong or inappropriate, then allow the child some quiet time to absorb and reflect on the lesson he's been given.
Time-out periods are fine. Children love to be in the center of the action. To be isolated from the people, toys, and entertainment they love, is a significant hardship for youngsters.
When you punish a child by spanking, you are teaching him:
(a) what he did was wrong, at least it is in your judgement,
(b) it is O.K. for a big person to hit a smaller one,
(c) if you don't like what someone else is doing, you should beat him into submission.
The child is now in a unenviable position. He's angry but he can't hit you back, because you're bigger and stronger, so he'll pick on someone smaller. If he finds a good victim, he'll continue to carry out his acts of vengeance on the weaker party and another bully will be born. At the very least, he'll go and kick the cat or dog.
It is necessary to think ahead and envision the adult you want your child to become. Do you really want him or her to become a man or woman who believes that problems are best solved by giving your adversary a good beating? If he or she happens to become President of the United States, that attitude could start World War III!
It is necessary to remember that parents are children's first and most impressive role models. Adults who have grown up in homes surrounded by love, where problems are solved by discussions, negotiations and compromises, will become tomorrow's adults and leaders who will value and work for peace. Your children, when they grow up, will fashion the world of tomorrow.
The acts of discipline which parents routinely perform every day may not seem very important or meaningful, but in fact, they are. Children absorb and will remember for the rest of their lives, the attitudes and actions of those most important role models, their parents.
Consider carefully the atmosphere and conditions which presently prevail in your home. There is a strong probability that your grandchildren will be raised in a similar environment. Parenthood carries a serious responsibility because, whether you're aware of it or not, your every word and action will have a significant impact on the future.
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